Cubing the masturbation habit at the office Have you ever masturbated at the office? Are you concerned that you cannot stop mastrubatin at the office? Do you worry that you might get fired for masturbation or other sexual behaviors that you have engaged in at the office? Crossing the work line is a strong indicator that you have a real problem. Your masturbation habit could get you fired. Even if you own your own business, your habit is still problematic.
Help is available. There are a number of things you can do to help yourself stop this destructive behavior.
Identifying the Stressors
Masturbating at the office is a very serious problem. While you are reading this article, give yourself permission to indulge your inner mind and push yourself to think about why you are putting yourself at risk? What pushes your buttons? What has to happen before you decide to take that leap of faith that change is possible? As with all problems, identifying the causes is a critical step in being able to develop a solution.
Imagine your workday. When you come into the office in the morning, are you already planning to masturbate? Or do you come in focused on other issues before something trigger a deep sexual compulsion within you? Perhaps your co-worker was displeased with your performance or you are working on an especially challenging or even dull task? Does something make you so anxiety that you feel you have to masturbate or look at pornography to relieve the pressure? Or are you just passing time and enjoy the distraction of a mid-day pick me up at work?
Reflect on the last time you masturbated at the office and recount what happened beforehand. If your compulsion to engage in sexual activities at the office continues, consider tracking your behaviors in a daily journal so that you can evaluate for yourself the extent of the issue. Document each sexual activity and all of the events leading up to and following the sexual encounter. If you minimize the seriousness of each sexual act after it is over, it is easy to underestimate the scope of your sexual problem. By keeping a record you give yourself tangible evidence along with a blue print that you can evaluate when you have more distance from it. An honest evaluation is at the basis of a useful approach.
You may be reluctant to keep or read the journal, but don’t be. Pore through your notes. Study your sexual behaviors, thoughts and feelings. You have likely already identified many of your sexual patterns, but there is almost certainly a whole different way to analyze your situation that you haven’t yet thought of. Try pinpoint which situations and feelings prompt you to masturbate at the office when you know that you should not. Consider why you think masturbation at the office is a reasonable solution to your situation. Is it because you own your own business? Is it because you know you won’t get caught? Is it because you can’t masturbate at home? Or you simply need some way to manage a particular set of feelings and masturbation makes you more productive?
The next step is actually tackling the problem leading to the inappropriate sexual behavior at the office.
Reforming your Habits
Your journal is a handy guide to all of the old habits that lead you to masturbate at the office. Your goal now is to reform those habits. You need to find a healthy way to relieve stress. The goal of the list is to help you envision short-term solutions to help make the day-to-day sexual cravings more manageable while building long term solutions and healthy habits that will last a lifetime.
Give yourself 30 minutes and write as quickly as you can 20 intellectual or behavioral changes you could make that would begin the process of reforming your habits. For example:
- Email, skype, text or phone a friend or even your partner. Speaking openly and honestly with someone can help you manage your anxieties, worry, sadness, fear, frustration or anger about a situation. Additionally, making contact with someone you care about can be a satisfying part to your daily routine. Furthermore speaking with another person can help you get unstuck because the other person might actually have something insightful to share, or at least will take you out of the moment and give you a break from yourself. Furthermore, making a connection to others creates intimacy. Until you are ready to share openly about all of your concerns simply talking with another person and saying that you have had a tough day can help you re-center yourself. You will be amazed at the support and comfort you receive over time. Remember, sometimes when you reach out, it may not be good timing, but if you call two people a day, and rotate who you call, the stars will align some of the times and you will be in a better position.
- Identify all the people that you would want to reach out to in a stressful situation. Add as many people as you can. Sometimes this means taking a risk and reaching out to someone that you previously haven’t shared with you. Consider adding people like your parents, siblings, close friends or other loved ones on the list. Anyone who you trust and who offers a sympathetic ear is a good choice.
- From the above list, pay attention to who knows your full story. What about that person has made it safe enough for you to share your story with? For others on that list, what has stopped you from fully sharing? Have these boundaries been helpful to you?
- We strongly encourage you to have at least one person in your world who knows your whole story. This may be your doctor, your sex therapist, your religious leader, your spouse, your friend or even your parents. Sharing something so personal is not a required part of the recovery process, it is simply helpful. You don’t have to be alone in this recovery process. Sometimes hearing yourself talk to another person is enough.
- Tell your boss at work that you have too many projects going on at once to do them all well. Ask him which ones he considers to be a top priority. Or if you are struggling with a case, ask for a consultation with your boss or colleague so that you might gather some ideas about how to better handle the situation. Avoiding the issue isn’t going to decrease the stress, in fact it may just make it worse.
- Exercise mid-day. Sometimes releasing your energy helps you look at the same situation in a new light. Additionally working out releases endorphins that leave you feeling good. Some people are able to achieve a minor meditative state from a hard workout. Exercise releases tension and leaves you in physically better shape. Additionally, you will have done something constructive with your time!
- Keep a journal. Just as you expel physical energy by working out, free writing forces you to articulate your thoughts. The benefit of journal writing is that by putting out your thoughts, feelings and cravings you might be able to connect the competing ideas together – thereby gaining perspective. Sometimes you have to write for a long enough time to start to see patterns emerging. You might be amazed at what comes out once you start writing. Looking back over your journal later enables you to track progress or at least give you an overview of your patterns and development.
- Walk around the office. Stretch your legs and say hello to your co-workers. Pull yourself away from those same old thoughts and get engaged in the world around you. Taking a break actually increases productivity! However, too many breaks can be counter-productive.
- Instead of taking breaks on an as needed basis, create scheduled breaks. Use this time to go outside and stretch your legs. Walk around the block. Hang out in the office kitchen and maybe chat with whoever is there. You work hard and deserve to take a few minutes to relax and do whatever you need to do to feel more comfortable. Then return to work focused and at ease.
- Give yourself some feedback. What did you do well? How have you grown in this job? Be positive. Remind yourself of all the good work you do. Giving yourself a pat on the back will make you feel good about yourself. Recognizing your accomplishments improves overall confidence and trust in oneself to take healthy risks. Growth requires risk. Self-esteem, or reliance will put a spring in your step on your road to recovery.
- Come back to your list! The next time you are at the computer and you reach to type in the name of a pornographic website you have frequented, don’t. Pull out your handy list of options and try them. The list won’t do you any good sitting in your desk. You have built yourself a buffet of positive habits and therapeutic exercises, now do something for your future self and follow through with one of your own ideas.
Hopefully these tips help you to develop a stable, comfortable workday routine. You spend nearly a third of your time at work, so establishing healthy habits at work is a critical step in your road to sexual health.
