Starting out on your first roleplay in the bedroom can be difficult. It can be anxiety-provoking to figure out what to say or do next. You may feel ashamed by getting stuck or feeling outside of your character. Perhaps your first experience trying roleplay ended in you not wanting to try it again. One of the ways to address these feelings and responses to sexual fantasy roleplay is to incorporate tools to help enhance your fantasy. By introducing fun and approachable theater exercises into your sexual fantasy roleplay you can enrich your experience! This exercise helps you and your partner develop your characters and set up a loose script for your first, second, or sixtieth sexual fantasy roleplay experience. Additionally, this exercise is set up so you and your partner can do it in person, over the phone, or over text/messaging. In this exercise, you will set the scene, create bios about your characters, and encourage your creative minds by incorporating a common theater game into a loose script for your sexual fantasy roleplay scene.
Setting the scene. The first item to enhance your sexual fantasy roleplay experience is to set a scene or scenario you and your partner agree would be exciting to incorporate into your experience. If you’re feeling stuck, you can get inspiration from anything! Take inspiration from movies, books, or television series and ask yourself if this is something you’d like to incorporate into a sexual scene. You could also try watching roleplay or fantasy porn with your partner to further your research and spark some ideas! Jot some scenes down on a piece of paper or journal so you can keep tabs on certain scenes you’d like to try. If you’re doing this over the phone or via messaging, whenever an idea pops into your head, message it to your partner and discuss it at a later point. Once you and your partner have written at least 2-3 options, discuss them together. In this part of the exercise, no idea is a bad idea! A primary principle for sexual play is simple: have an enjoyable journey. Creating a place of safety provides an environment of exploration and fun. If we’re reacting negatively to our own input and our partner’s input, we won’t be able to achieve that place of safety for exploration. If you’re not feeling comfortable with playing out your partner’s idea- that’s okay! Find a scene that you and your partner agree upon. This may take a couple of tries to find something you both agree upon. If you’re struggling to find something, think about books, movies, celebrities, or TV series you both like and pull from there. You don’t have to use characters from those settings but they can be a great jumping-off point for new explorations into worlds like them.
Creating your character. Once you and your partner have agreed upon a setting, the next step is to create your characters. By enhancing the back store of your character, the more connected you’ll feel to them. Step into your creative mind and have fun with this part! If you’re pulling from a character in a book, tv, or movie, try to describe them as best as you can and get into their heads! On a piece of paper, in the notes app of your phone, or over messaging with your partner, write down the following information about your character:
- Their name and gender identity.
- What they look like. Try to describe their features like body shape, eye color, haircut, and color, what they're wearing, etc. This is also a good time for you to draw out your character as a way to get a visual of their physical appearance.
- A short, 4-5 sentence bio of your character describing their personality and/or a potential backstory that may come into play during your roleplay.
- Write a list of sexual likes and dislikes for your character. This will inform your partner about certain activities they can draw from when setting up a scene. Remember, these characters are fantasies, of course, but they are an extension of your own sexual desires. Utilize this time to try out things you, as yourself, would not normally do but fantasize about doing. If you’re not sure about what new things you’d like to try in the bedroom, check out our kinky activities article to explore new things to try in the bedroom.
Designing the roleplay. After setting the scene and designing your characters, it’s time to explore options for how you want this roleplay to actually pan out. The “Yes and…” exercise creates a positive experience in which any suggestion you or your partner may have is always responded to with a yes! Just like in theater, this “yes, and…” exercise teaches the value of each of our ideas and promotes cooperation between each member. The intention is to get each partner to develop and enrich the storyline of your sexual fantasy roleplay and help you map out the scene in a fun and collaborative way! In this exercise, every sentence starts with the two words “yes, and”, except for the first sentence. One partner will start off the scene with a sentence in the third person of their character. For example, “Cynthia walks into the room wearing nothing but her robe”. The partner will follow with the phrase “yes, and” followed by an action, description, or emotion of their character. You and your partner will go back and forth describing how you would like a scene to play out. Try out this exercise for 3 minutes at first going back and forth between each partner. At any point, either partner can say “cut” that will end the scene. Try out this exercise 2-3 times until you find a scene that is arousing and exciting for both of you.
A simple version. Let's say you and your partner are not really sure if you’d like to try out a role play fantasy just yet. Or perhaps you want to have fun creating characters together in a non-sexual way. You can take this exercise and break it down even further. Instead of creating characters in a robust way, you can tell your partner a few sentences about your character. Perhaps what they look like, what is their typical personality, and what they like to do in bed (not necessary for the non-sexual option). Then go through the Yes And.. exercise and build the scene and the world through it. Have fun and enjoy the new experience with your partner. By always meeting your partner’s suggestions with a “yes” you can facilitate new and fun ways to communicate and create.
Tiffany and Arthur: An Example.
Setting the Scene. Tiffany and Arthur have agreed on creating a roleplay scene in which Tiffany is Dame Mary Prudence Westcot and Arthur is her loyal servant, Jordan Booker. They live in England during the late 1700s. They agreed upon this idea after they both read Pride and Prejudice in their monthly book club and wanted to play with the idea of a romance between a dame and her family servant.
Creating your character:
Tiffany‘s Character: Dame Mary Prudence Wescot (Female) aka Prudence
- She is a petite woman with pale white skin and rosy cheeks. Her hair is pinned up with two curls coming down each side of her face. She wears a light pink dress and wears a bonnet that ties into a bow under her neck.
- Dame Mary Prudence Wescot is the first and only child of her mother who died during childbirth. One of her handmaidens gave her a book when she was 18 that described a sexual relationship between two unwedded commoners that made her quite excited and aroused. She keeps the book under her pillow most nights and finds herself obsessively reading the parts of the book where one character blindfolded the other. She falls asleep most nights fantasizing Jordan blindfolding her.
- Sexual Likes: kissing on her breasts; biting her partner’s neck; being blindfolded; and being spanked
- Sexual Dislikes: anal penetration; being spit on
Arthur’s Character: Jordan Booker (Male)
- Tall with curly brown hair and blue eyes. He wears a white vest with a light blue handkerchief around his neck.
- Jordan Booker is a valet for Mary’s father and has worked for the Wescot family since childhood. Jordan is a straight to the point person and does not like to play games. He’s a respected man and keeps his work life and personal life separate. He first met Dame Wescot while apprenticing to become a valet. He’s always found her beautiful but has never acted up anything.
- Sexual Likes: Being in control; talking dirty to his partner; and cuddling after sex.
- Sexual Dislikes: Anything touching his nipples; being tied down.
Yes and exercise. Tiffany and Arthur come together to begin the exercise…
Tiffany- “Prudence is alone in her room when a knock on her door startles her out of
Arthur- “Yes, and on the other side of the door Jordan’s heart begins to pound as he
hears footsteps approaching”
T- “ Yes, and Prudence opens the door wearing her nightgown and a lace shawl.”
A- “Yes, and Jordan asks Prudence ‘Are you warm enough in this cold weather?”
T- “Yes, and Prudence replies ‘I am very cold and would appreciate some company.’”
A- “Yes, and Jordan steps inside while taking off his coat to give to Prudence.”
T- “Yes, and Prudence is so excited to see Jordan that she embraces him in a warm hug
while helping him take off his vest.”
A- “Yes, and Jordan is overcome with passion and kisses Prudence deeply.
As you can see, Tiffany and Arthur are building upon the information from the previous line as a way to create excitement in the roleplay and as a blueprint for the sexual interactions of their roleplay. No suggestion is denied but is built upon to enhance the mood of the scene.
Once you and your partner have gone through the Yes And… exercise and found a role play idea you’d like to try out, you can begin to enact the roleplay fantasy. To work out the kinks and find comfort, you and your partner may want to verbally go through the roleplay without physical contact or use of props. Work your way through the roleplay line by line finding the intimacy through eye-contact for a more intense reading of the roleplay. You may also want to engage in mutual masturbation or outercourse to deepen the intensity. For a less intimidating approach, you could verbally create the fantasy laying in bed with the lights off, on the phone, or while cuddling and softly stroking one another.
No matter what scene, which characters, or what actions they take, this exercise is meant to expand our sexual fantasy roleplay. It helps us explore possibilities in a positive environment that is built into the exercise. No idea is a wrong idea. Use this tip to help you and your partner find new, fun, and exciting ways to explore your sexual fantasies.
Find a sex therapist near me. Call 215 922 5683 x 100 and speak with a sex therapist at The Center For Growth.