Reasons Spouses Cheat | Counseling | Therapy

Reasons Spouses Cheat

Alex Robboy , CAS, MSW, ACSW, LCSW — Founder & executive director

Reasons spouses cheat: couples counseling in philadelphia, ocean city, santa fe, mechanicsville image

Reasons Spouses Cheat: ideas explored within couples counseling: she cheated and broke your heart. Or maybe you’re the one who cheated and broke hers. WHY do husbands and wives cheat? And why don’t they just end the marriage cleanly before dating others?

One of the most difficult things to face is the possibility that your husband or wife may be having an affair. Although these are some reasons why spouses cheat, you may never truly know why your spouse was unfaithful. They may never truly understand their behavior either. Some reasons spouse cheat may include:

  • Anger
  • Unresolved issues
  • Trying to avoid conflict in marriage
  • Career problems
  • Looking for excitement or passion they judge as missing in marriage
  • A way to end an unhappy marriage
  • Fear of growing older
  • Looking for a one-night stand
  • Long-term relationship outside marriage
  • Chronic cheater

The future of the relationship can depend on your ability to spot telltale signs in time. With rapidly rising divorce rates, you can no longer afford to be the “last to know.” There are several factors that could make you suspect that your spouse is having an affair, but how do you know for sure? Here are some signs to look for:

How Your Spouse Relates To You Your spouse’s involvement with another person can cause him or her to treat you differently – even on a subconscious level. Look for dramatic changes.

  • Sudden Disinterest / Interest in Sex One of the most obvious signs that your spouse may be involved in an affair is his or her sudden disinterest in having sex with you—if your spouse is spending time with someone else, he or she will want to make sure that they are conserving their ‘energy’ for the affair. Your spouse may feel as though the affair gives them something different or exciting to look forward to, and may not be paying you as much attention as a result. They could also be feeling too guilty to have sex with you, thus they avoid it.

Similarly, a sudden burst in sexual energy can also be a tell tale sign of an affair. Your partner is now on a sexual high, and it is carrying over into your relationship. Your partner is suddenly now more responsive and creative in the bedroom. They key message is any dramatic change in the bedroom can be a signal that something else is happening.

  • Change in Money Habits If your spouse suddenly becomes very controlling when it comes to spending money or handling expenses, this may be cause for concern. If you discover that large amounts are missing from your joint bank account, you can’t find receipts for purchases, or you can’t see any of the things that your spouse has been purchasing with the money, he or she may be using the money to spend on the affair. Your spouse may also abruptly suggest that you open separate checking accounts, if you’ve been sharing all of your finances previously. Silarly, your partner may suddenly shower you with gifts. This is called guilt money. Your partner feels so badly that she/he wants to buy you off.
  • Forgets’ to Wear Wedding Ring If you discover that your husband or wife leaves his or her wedding ring at home very often, or doesn’t want to wear the ring when the two of you are in public together, this is a sure sign that something is wrong. Your husband or wife may not want people to know that they are married, and could even be looking for ‘prospects’ while the two of you are out together.
  • Travel Your spouse may not always be traveling for legitimate reasons. Even if he or she is, business and pleasure can easily be combined. Travel affords a cheating unfaithful spouse a unique opportunity to cheat away from prying eyes.

If you believe your spouse is cheating, it may be best to sit him or her down and ask point blank what is going on and if there is anything that needs to get out in the open before things drop downhill dramatically. If you don’t, and he or she is cheating, then it could hurt you in the long run more than it will your spouse. Take a risk and ask. Most people when confronted will answer the questions honestly. However, not everyone will. Trust your gut. Only you know when your partner is lying. If something does not feel right, it’s not right. At the very least, seek marital counseling to help you make sense of what your gut is telling you.

The key to a successful relationship is the degree to which two people are dedicated to making things work. While affairs can ruin marriage, affairs in a backwards sort of way can strengthen them. Affairs often are the turning point where both people commit to the marriage in a whole new way. While certain types of trust are broken, and are gone for good, new types of trust can be developed. Frequently this trust can be deeper and more powerful. For others, affairs are a deal breaker.

Have you recently been cheated on? Are you considering cheating? Are you stuck and unsure how to proceed forward. Help is available.


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