Curious About Anal Sex | Counseling | Therapy

Curious About Anal Sex

Alex , CAS, MSW, ACSW, LCSW — Founder & executive director

Are you curious about anal sex, but not sure where to begin? Then keep reading. Sex Therapy in Philadelphia PA, Ocean City NJ, Santa Fe NM, Mechanicsville VA has put together a 101 how to guide to anal sex for beginners.

Please keep in mind, before putting any object into a lovers anus to use common sense. If you have no common sense, or are worried that your sense of common sense is not the same as others, consider scheduling an appointment with a sex therapist at Sex Therapy in Philadelphia or keep on reading.


101 Anal Sex Tips

Curious About Anal Sex: Sex Therapy in Philadelphia, Ocean City, Santa Fe, Mechanicsville

Listen to your partner: By listening we mean both verbal and non verbal cues. For those of you who struggle with sexual communication issues, we strongly encourage you to try engaging in the following exercise before continuing.

  • Only try sexual behaviors with your partner that you would be willing to have done to yourself. Unless of course, your partner specifically asks you try it. Then everything is fair game.
  • Only use objects in the anus that are retrievable. Imagine how embarrassing it would be to go to the ER and have to explain to a doctor how a ball got stuck in your anus, or worse yet, how a cucumber split off in your anus. Again, we strongly encourage you to only use sex toys that are designed for anus insertion.
  • All objects used in the anus must be smooth: Sharp or jagged objects can tear the lining of the anus, thus making yourself vulnerable to infection. Flexible objects are more easily maneuvered in the anus, thus working with the natural curves, as opposed to fighting them. Anal sex is supposed to be fun, not harmful. Do it safely.
  • No need to spend money on anal sex play. Fingers are a wonderful source of stimulation. If you use your finger, make sure that your nails are cut. Long nails / jagged nails can cut the anus lining. When using your finger be sure to cover the finger in lubrication. The lubrication could be saliva, oil, water based synthetic lubricant. The exact type of lubricant will depend upon your sexual needs. If you are using a condom, then avoid oil based lubricants. Oil will cause the condom to break. If you are concerned with disease, your saliva could transmit an infection. Water based lubricant is the most versatile option, but doesn't work as well as oil. When inserting the finger, assuming you are facing each other, allow your finger to curve in, as if you are making the come here motion with your finger. The most challenging stage is at the initial insertion point. Go slow, encourage your partner to take deep breathes and relax. Many people report that the first time it is best to combine oral sex with anal finger insertion.
  • Before attempting anal sex with your partner (or anal stimulation) ask your partner if this is something that they are interested in trying. Together the two of you could read "The Guide To Getting It On" or another book that discusses anal sex. The two of you could watch educational porn so that each of you have a visual of what to expect. The goal of having a direct conversation ensures that everyone wants anal sex / anal play to happen. The second goal is to mentally rehearse, prepare for what the two of you are about to do together. Mentally rehearsing allows for each of you to develop a road map.

Be realistic: Anal Sex Beginners need to go slow. Engaging in safe anal sex / anal play requires strong sexual communication skills. You will make mistakes. Trust and experience are something that only comes with time and practice. Do not expect perfection in the beginning. Practice makes perfect. Lastly, give yourself permission to savor the moments of each ‘new’ thing that you try. Still struggling? Call The Center for Growth and speak with one of our sex therapists today. You can self schedule a sex therapy appointment inperson or virtually today. Or call us today at 215 922 5683 x 100. We have 2 offices in Philadelphia PA: Society Hill Therapy Office, as well as Art Museum Therapy Office. We have an office in Ocean City NJ, Santa Fe NM and Mechanicsville VA.

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