Analingus | Counseling | Therapy

Analingus

Alex , CAS, MSW, ACSW, LCSW — Founder & executive director

Analingus, defined by Sex Therapy in Philadelphia is also known as rimming, anal-oral sex, is the act of kissing, licking and/or sliding one’s tongue in and out of another individual’s anus. The receiver usually experiences sexual pleasure, as the anus contains half of the nerve endings in the pelvic region. Different techniques can be used while giving analingus: flicking (gently flicking the tip of the tongue across the outer rim of the anus), “ringing the bell” (pushing the tip of the tongue against the anus, and removing it quickly), licking (using all of your tongue to lick completely across the anus), and probing (inserting the tongue into the anus and probing around with the tip). It is important to cleanse the anal area before receiving analingus, as this area is highly susceptible to bacteria.

How do I talk about analingus with my partner?

When discussing intimate activities like analingus with your partner, use simple language, practice respect for boundaries, and speak in a non-judgmental way. Here's an example of how you might approach the conversation:

Setting the Right Atmosphere: Choose a private and comfortable setting where both you and your partner can openly talk without distractions or interruptions. Make sure you're both in a relaxed and open state of mind. Ask the partner if they are open to having a real conversation.

Initiating the Conversation: "Hey [Partner's Name], there's something I've been thinking about that I'd like to talk to you about. It's important to me that we can discuss our desires and boundaries openly, so I hope you're comfortable having this conversation." You could even add in your emotional state. "I feel anxious bringing this up" or "I am excited, but nervous"

Expressing Your Feelings: "I wanted to share that I've been curious about trying new things in our intimate relationship. One of the things I've been thinking about is exploring analingus. I want to emphasize that I'm sharing this because I trust and respect you, and I value our connection."

Check-In and Invite Their Perspective: "I also want to know how you feel about this idea. I'm interested in hearing your thoughts and whether you'd be open to discussing it."

Reassuring Boundaries: "I understand that this might be a new topic for us, and I want you to know that your comfort and boundaries are my top priority. If this is something you're not interested in, that's completely okay, and I want you to feel comfortable sharing your feelings."

Encouraging Open Dialogue: "If you have any questions or concerns, I'm here to listen. Our communication is really important to me, and I believe that whatever we decide, it should be a mutual choice that enhances our connection."

Planning for the Future: "If you're open to it, we can take time to research and discuss more about analingus. We can learn about safety measures, potential risks, and how to make the experience pleasurable and comfortable for both of us."

Ending the Conversation: "Thank you for being open to this conversation. It means a lot to me that we can talk about our desires and boundaries honestly. Whether or not we decide to explore this, I'm grateful for our connection and the trust we share."

Remember, everyone's comfort levels and boundaries are unique. Your partner might need time to process the information or gather more information before responding. Be patient and understanding of their feelings and perspective. Ultimately, the goal is to maintain open communication, respect each other's boundaries, and make decisions that enhance your connection and intimacy.

Why talk to a sex therapist about analingus?

Talking to a sex therapist as opposed to a generic therapist about analingus, or any sexual activity, can be beneficial for several reasons, especially if you have questions, concerns, or want to explore this activity in a healthy and informed manner. Sex therapists have received specialized training about and beyond what the average professional therapist might have. A sex therapist can provide guidance, information, and support related to various aspects of sexual health and relationships. Remember, therapists are people too. Not everyone is comfortable talking about sex. Sex therapists typically have an extra 3000 supervised hours.

  1. Sex Education and Sex Information: If you're curious about analingus or have questions about it, a sex therapist can provide accurate information about the activity, including potential risks, safety measures, and ways to ensure both partners' comfort and consent. For that matter, a good book can provide you with just as much information about analingus. We personally think talking to someone is easier than trying to locate high quality information on the internet.
  2. Communication Skills: Discussing sexual activities like analingus requires open and respectful communication with your partner. Talking to a sex therapist can help you practice how to even begin to have a conversation like this. A sex therapist can help you develop effective communication skills to talk openly about your desires, boundaries, and any concerns you might have.
  3. Exploring Boundaries and Giving / Receiving Consent: A sex therapist can guide you in discussing and establishing boundaries and consent with your partner. Often peoples minds and bodies can react in two different ways. You might be grossed out about the concept of analingus, but love the way it feels to receive. Sometimes words are clunky and it's easier to check in with someone continually and ask them if it's OK to keep going. The brain and body might respond different.y. Consent is crucial for engaging in any sexual activity, and a therapist can help you navigate these conversations in a respectful and clear way. Miscommunication and feeling violated can easily happen.
  4. Physical and Emotional Comfort: Engaging in analingus involves physical and emotional considerations. A trained sex therapist can help you understand the potential physical sensations, emotions, and psychological aspects involved, assisting you in making informed decisions that prioritize your well-being.Not everyone develops the skills to safely have these taboo conversations.
  5. Relieving Anxiety: If you're feeling anxious or unsure about trying analingus don't. Or at least try talking to a sex therapist can help address your concerns and provide strategies to manage anxiety or discomfort. They can also help you explore why you might be feeling anxious and work through any underlying issues.
  6. Addressing Shame or Stigma: Analingus, like many sexual activities, can sometimes be surrounded by shame or stigma. A sex therapist can help you process and challenge any negative beliefs or feelings you might have, allowing you to engage in the activity without guilt or shame. Most people don't talk about sex, or the problems their relationship.
  7. Health and Hygiene: Engaging in analingus involves considerations of hygiene and potential health risks. A sex therapist can provide advice on how to practice safe and hygienic analingus if you decide to try it. Soap and hot water can be critical to keeping things clean.
  8. Enhancing Pleasure and Communication: A sex therapist can guide you and your partner in exploring analingus in a way that enhances pleasure and intimacy. They can offer techniques, suggestions, and communication strategies to ensure a positive experience for both partners.
  9. Resolving Discrepancies: Sometimes, partners may have different desires or boundaries regarding sexual activities. A sex therapist can help navigate these discrepancies and find solutions that are mutually satisfying and respectful.
  10. Fostering Connection: Exploring new sexual activities can be an opportunity to deepen your emotional and physical connection with your partner. A sex therapist can offer guidance on how to approach this exploration with mutual respect and understanding.

Remember that discussing sexual topics with a therapist is confidential, nonjudgmental, and professional. It's essential to choose a sex therapist who is experienced and skilled in addressing sexual health concerns. They can provide a safe space to discuss your questions, concerns, and desires related to analingus or any other aspect of your sexual well-being.

At TCFG you can schedule directly online with a therapist or by calling (215) 922-LOVE (5683) ext 100 and speaking with our intake department. Lastly, you can call our Director, “Alex” Caroline Robboy, CAS, MSW, LCSW at (267) 324–9564 to discuss your particular situation. For your convenience, we have six physical mental health counseling / therapy offices. We provide mental health counseling and talk therapy both inperson and virtually.

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