A Guide to Bottoming | Counseling | Therapy

A Guide to Bottoming

This guide to bottoming will go over major points to take into account when bottoming for the first time. Before going into the guide to bottoming it’s important to review some terminology and what bottoming means. The term bottoming refers to the person who is on the receiving end of anal intercourse. Bottoming is usually used with in the gay men’s community, but it can be applied to any individual who is the receiver. Most people assume that anal intercourse refers strictly to gay men. This is false. Many individuals who are gay, straight, and bisexual enjoy anal pleasure! Anal play can be extremely pleasurable for men due to the stimulation of the prostate, which is located in the anal cavity. Women can also receive pleasure as the stimulation of the anus is close to vagina. In fact, some women report the only way they can achieve orgasm is through anal stimulation.

One of the most important parts before bottoming is being ready for sex. Ask yourself: are you feeling it tonight? Is your partner feeling it? Does your partner know that you’d like to try this? Sex involves a lot of communication! Make sure you discuss before hand with your partner what feels good, what doesn’t, what gets you going, and what gets you off. It is equally as important to have an open flow of communication. Both topping and bottoming involves patience and clarity with your partner.

Now many may think that prepping for bottoming begins in the bedroom. Indeed part of the process takes place within foreplay and during sex, but prepping for bottoming actually takes place hours ahead of time. Part of good bottoming includes a good diet. You want to make sure your diet is rich with fiber, greens, and water. This allows for the anal cavity to be naturally clean as waste is able to move through it more easily and healthily. If you don’t have a diet like this no worries! Following this next step is meant for those who have a good diet, want to get on a good diet, and those who don’t have a fiber and greens rich diet. Keeping with eating, when you’re planning to bottom try to not have any food at least an hour or two before hand, preferably two hours. If you decide to eat, avoid any foods such as beans, greens, and other foods that may cause some movement in the bowls. Also plan to use the bathroom before bottoming at least two hours out as well. This will make sure everything is clean and ready to go.

Once you’ve gotten the eating part square away, the next step is prepping for the bedroom. Some individuals before bottoming may use a douche in order to clean themselves out. DO NOT DO THIS! If you follow the latter steps the use of a douche will not be necessary. The issue with using a douche is that the acidity and chemicals tear away at the lining of the anal cavity and large intestine. This can lead to a higher rate of bacterial infection and a possibly unpleasant bottoming experience. Instead of douching, taking a shower and rinsing out is a less abrasive way to be clean and ready for sex. However, a shower and using the bathroom will not get everything out and that’s okay! Even with best diet and strictest method some matter will still be there.

Now you and your partner find yourselves in the bedroom. Start with some foreplay before beginning.. One of the keys to bottoming is feeling comfortable, open, and relaxed. Before starting try doing some breathing exercises. A simple exercise is to breathe in for a count of 4, holding for 7, and out for 8. You may also enjoy cuddling with your partner naked first. To begin foreplay some people may like to have anal foreplay by using fingers, dildos, tongues, or butt plugs. Go with what feels good and STOP when it doesn’t. Physically if it starts to feel bad it may feel like too much pressure and pain. There might be some emotions that will come up during this process. If you find yourself being fearful, upset, irritate, or uncomfortable then STOP. When using a dildo or butt plugs make sure to use lubricant. Many individuals find that silicon based lube is the best and most comfortable. There is also water-based lubricants that work as well, but some find it to be uncomfortable, but enjoy that it doesn’t leave a mess that silicon might. Some individuals may use spit as well, but it is not recommend for first time bottoming. Application of the lubricant should be on the toy, if you are using one, and the partner. Once you feel ready, check-in with your body, are you calm and relaxed or are you still feeling tense? If your body happens to continue to feel tense try doing the relaxation technique mentioned above. Have your partner continue to play around your anus by either the insertion of finger or toys, Breathing helps the relaxing of the anal muscles and slows the constriction on blood flow, the foreplay gets the anal muscle more relaxed and used to having things inserted.

An easy and comfortable position to be in is on your side. Pick whichever side feels most comfortable for you. Bend your opposite leg that’s not on the bed up to your chest by pulling in your knee. This positional actually makes the anal muscle loosen up and makes it easier to insert. The position allows for less tightening of the glut muscle that are engaged when your legs are together or in any other positions such as doggie or riding because it requires less leg and glut muscles. When the glutes are engaged it tightens the anus making it harder for insertion and therefore can make bottoming uncomfortable. Make sure that there is ample lubrication for both yourself and your partner. As your partner begins, GO SLOWLY! If it’s your first time bottoming it may hurt. If it starts to hurt then have your partner stop and pull out if they are barely in. You may need to breathe more and do more foreplay with toys and fingers. Insertion of small anal toys or fingers as mentioned allows the muscles to gradually relax and stretch, allowing the attempt of penis insertion to be much easier.

Conversely, you can have your partner stay where they are, and moving in more as you continue to breathe. Pleasuring yourself while your partner does this helps the process immensely. This takes your focus away from the anal area and moves it towards something that you have previously associated with pleasure. The initial insertion is one of the most challenging aspects of bottoming. Generally the outer rim is the part that may hurt the most. Foreplay as mentioned can help make the possible pain much less. Once your partner has fully gone in, or gone in to a point in which you feel comfortable, take a second to stop and breathe. Stop if you start to feel an immense amount of pain. Tell your top “hey can you stop for a second it hurts”. At this point the top may need to pull out and add more lube. Try waiting a bit and tell the top “go in a little more”. If it still hurts, have them pull out and add more lube. Once the top is fully in, have them go slowly when they start moving back and forth, and build up speed, as you feel comfortable.

Now through this process it requires a bunch of communication. So what does that mean? Communication involves speaking up when something feels good or something doesn’t. It easy to know when something feels good, but when it doesn’t ask you partner to perhaps go more slowly, to use more lube, or to try touching a part of your body. The first time bottoming may not go well and that’s okay. Talk to your partner what worked and what didn’t. Was the position you were in too uncomfortable? Did you tell them to stop if you felt a lot of pain? Were they going to quickly?

You may also find yourself being concern after bottoming with being able to use the bathroom. Or you may find yourself asking, “will my butt go back to normal?” The answer is yes. You may feel a bit sore later that day or the next. If you find that the pain is persistent after 3 days then seek medical attention. However, if bottoming is done properly this shouldn’t be an issue. As for using the bathroom you may find it to be a bit easier to pass matter. You might find some particles that are not fecal matter and this too is also normal.

As always when having sex it’s important to be safe. Always wear a condom. Make sure you have recently been tested and that your partner has been as well. Even if you have been seeing someone for a significant amount of time, or just started dating, make sure both of you have been tested. Once you feel comfortable, safe, and have been tested then moving on to sex without a condom would be fine.

Safety tip: If you find blood after having anal sex please go see a doctor immediately. Blood after anal sex or foreplay is likely due skin being torn, but it’s important to see a doctor just to make sure. It is important that if this happens to thoroughly wash out the area with soap and water. If fecal matter or any other particles get into the wound it can lead to an infection.

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